Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts

Friday, May 14, 2010

Monsoon Wedding

April 17, 2010

I woke up bright and early Saturday morning to accompany Auntie Bose to the market to purchase material and ready-made outfits to take home with me. She told me not to talk, just to point at what I wanted and she would negotiate the price. There were hawkers on the street selling foodstuff and toys while small shops held their doors open to display the goods inside. We did not stop at those shops because she said they were more expensive. Instead, we continued to walk until we came to a cramped alleyway barely large enough for 2 people to walk abreast comfortably. The small stalls only accommodated the seller and the patrons had to stand outside and point to what they wanted. The heat and stench were stifling even in the early morning hours. We stopped at a few stalls that sold beautifully dyed materials and clothing. She said that they still knew that I was a stranger and wouldn't go as low as she wanted. We didn't have time to keep trying to find lower prices, so we settled. We hurriedly bought what I wanted and started back to the house to get ready for the wedding.

The lady from the salon came to the house to tie the gele' this time. After dressing, the driver took Renny, the girls, and I to the church. Onome was already there because he was standing in the place of the father of the bride. There was another wedding also held at the church, and the attendants were just sitting down outside for the reception. When we walked to the entrance for our wedding, Mimi, Onome's oldest sister, was standing outside visibly upset. We learned that the heavy rain from the night before had pooled on the reception tent and caused it to collapse. They didn't know if it could be recovered before the reception.


After the Catholic mass, everyone walked to the front with an offering for the couple and was sprinkled with "holy water" before greeting the new bride and groom. Everyone was beautifully arrayed in their orange and brown geles and other regalia. We danced out of the church and stood on the church steps snapping pictures. We proceeded to the reception where everything with the tents had been rectified before the guests arrived. Upon arrival, two men in suits tried to prevent guests from entering even though there was no guest list for them to know who should be there. It was so chaotic. Renny pleaded that the grandchildren should be allowed inside and they reluctantly let us pass.


The tent was beautifully decorated with brown and orange draped across the posts and gold accents on the tables. There were subtle hints of the tent collapse, like grains of sand on the table cloth, but all else was just right. The wedding cake was a towering 4 layers of orange on a table up front. The friends of the parents danced in with them followed by the bride and groom escorted by their friends. They danced alone at the front and then the emcee told their friends to join them. After a song or two, he told the friends to sit down so the parents could dance. He said, "The friends will dance all night without spraying, but the parents and older people will spray the couple."


After the reception, we hung around while everyone else from the house went home. Someone finally told the bride and her mother what happened to the tent and showed them the video. Mrs. K. was speechless.

Traditionally, the bride goes back to her home for a final goodbye to her family before being welcomed to the groom's family. The reception was in Ikeja near the groom's (family) home, and it would take nearly an hour to go the bride's (family) home in Fair Stock. The MOB, aunts, sisters, and cousins gathered in a small circle under the tent and sang songs in Yoruba and English, then prayed for Anne in her new life. She had changed from her wedding dress to a pink gown and knelt before her elders as they prayed. Onome prayed as the male head of the family. Osaze's family sent a car to pick up Anne and we followed behind them to the house. Her mother did not follow and the father also would have gone home, but Onome chose to just be the big brother for this part of the ceremony. Her new family welcomed her to the family with songs. They offered drinks to the guests. We prayed and went on our way after about 30 minutes.

The day was full of joy and excitement, and I'm glad I was able to be part of it all. I started packing for my long journey home the following day. There was a prayer of thanksgiving to be held at the church on Sunday for the final act of the wedding, but I would not attend due to my flight.

Friday, April 30, 2010

A Very Long Engagement

April 15, 2010
We played beauty shop last night, untwisting and detangling "The Supremes’" hair until almost 2am. Renny woke up early this morning to wash and style their hair for the special day ahead. There was lots of activity in the house as everyone prepared for the wedding. It’s also Mr. Bello’s birthday. The engagement/traditional ceremony was scheduled to begin at 12pm, but everyone assumed it would start much later (African Time). We left the house late and made a quick stop at a salon to tie our gele (gay-lay). The gele is a piece of cloth that is tied ornately (or not) around the head. It sounded like thunder as the stylist folded and tied the stiff fabric around my head covering my ears. It was extremely tight and pulled my face and eyes up at least 2 inches I’m sure. Who needs a facelift when you can tie a gele.



We arrived in Fair Stock around 2pm and things were just getting started. The ceremony was under a tent in a vacant lot next to the bride’s family home. Their family is from I___ and the groom’s family is from Edo state, so they had different rituals to perform during the engagement. There were traditional dancers from both sides. The emcee had more collections than a Pentecostal church – “Please contribute to the band…the dancers…the bride…the groom, etc.” Just when you think you’ve given your last offering, they ask for more money. The families gave cola nuts, drinks, and money to the elders on each side. The groom was escorted to the ceremony surrounded by the dancers and his parents. Later, he along with his parents and elders from his tribe met with elders from the bride’s tribe to negotiate the bride price. Onome was part of this meeting because he was the oldest son and stood in the place of their (deceased) father. The bride price was more for show than anything else. They “agreed” on 1.5 million naira.

The bride was finally escorted into the tent alongside her groom surrounded by the dancers and elders in the Ikeja way. She wore a beautiful lime green gele and dress while he wore white robes. (He actually looked Simoan to me, but his parents are Nigerian.) They danced together and were sprayed by the guests. They sat down to take pictures, danced some more, and went back inside the house. The emcee announced that they were coming back to the ceremony in the Adu tradition. The bride changed into a wrap and was adorned in beads around her head and neck to match the beads that her new husband and his tribe wore. The elders from each side prayed for the couple. Then, there was more singing, dancing, and picture taking. The ceremony eventually ended around 7pm and we left around 8pm.




When we arrived at home, we celebrated Mr. Bello’s birthday with 2 different cakes – both very delicious. A few of his friends came over to toast him and join the celebration. Before the guests arrived, the consensus in the house was that I should have a Nigerian name - Chioma. It is an Igbo name that means "God is Good" or "good luck/fortune", but everyone in the house speaks Yoruba as do most people in Lagos. They thought it was most fitting for me after going through a short list of possible names. I was still dressed in my wedding attire when the guests arrived, and I confused them when I talked. They said I looked like a Nigerian, but I didn’t sound like a Nigerian. The hosts told them my new name and they called me Chioma a couple of times. It was my turn to be confused. I didn’t realize they were talking to me. One of those guests offered to show me around the city the following evening.

Overall, it was a wonderful day full of tradition and memories that will last a lifetime. I was thrilled to participate in the engagement ceremony and to wear traditional clothing along with all the other beautiful people dressed in brilliant materials and patterns. Plus, I like my new name. Maybe I should make it official and fill in the blank on my birth certificate. (Trivia: What blank am I referring to?)


"Chioma"



"The Supremes"

Party Like It’s 1999…

April 10, 2010
On Saturday afternoon, we attended a wedding reception for Aunty Bose’s son’s best friend. As I stated previously, you don’t have to know the couple to go to the wedding. No invitation required. The church ceremony started at 11, but we did not attend. Instead, we arrived at the reception at University of Lagos (UniLag) at 2pm thinking that we would get there a little after it started factoring in African Time. As we were walking into the hall, we learned that the church ceremony had just ended. I could not imagine a 3-hour wedding. They told me that the norm is usually around 1-1.5 hours for the Catholic ceremony, but this one doubled because of all the dignitaries present who had to be acknowledged. The bride’s father was a government official. Bode told us to keep our purses and cameras close to us because of pickpockets and thieves. A wedding is a prime target for criminals because there are so many unsuspecting people with money in one place. In fact, sometimes the families hire police to escort them to their homes to prevent armed robbers from attacking when they see all the gifts and money given to the couple at the wedding.


There were so many beautifully dressed people around me. The primary color for the Aso Oke (ah-sho oh-kay) and decorations was gold with woven sand-colored gele’ (gay-lay). Even those who did not wear the aso oke were dressed impeccably. We were escorted to the front after the militant ushers heard that we were friends of the bride and groom from abroad, which was only half true. Those of us who were from abroad did not even know the couple, but we went along with the rouse to get a good seat. There were probably 2000 people there. We also participated in the processional for the bridal party. All the friends danced down the aisle in twos and then separated to form 2 lines for the bridal party to dance in between us (Soul Train line). The governor of Lagos State, Babatunde Fashola, attended the reception along with many other dignitaries. The emcee told all the bride’s friends from abroad to come to the front to take a picture with the governor. Renny and I were prompted to get up again since we were “friends from abroad”.
After the food (that never ran out), speeches from the couple as well as family and friends, and the cake cutting, the real party began. The bride seemed to dance tirelessly. Many people joined the couple on the dance floor and “sprayed” them with money (made it rain). The bride and groom took a break from dancing to take more photos. The people who remained on the dance floor sprayed other dancers. Even Jite, Renny’s 3-yr old, danced with another little girl and was sprayed.
It was a fun event for all of us and it somewhat prepared me for the wedding to follow on Thursday. Onome told me his sister’s wedding wouldn’t be as big, but it was sure to be spectacular.


Wedding for government official's daughter...millions of naira

Amount of money most guests spent on gifts for the couple...zero naira

Seeing Jite getting sprayed and stuffing the money in her "breast"...Priceless!







Saturday, March 13, 2010

You're going where?!?!

When I first interned in Houston in 2002, I had the good fortune to work with a beautiful lady with a funny accent. (I know, I know...I have a funny accent to someone too. lol) She introduced me to her family and we developed a great friendship. She thought I was a little weird because I would sometimes go to the (not so clear) Clear Lake to read during lunch...by myself. gasp
We kept in touch even after I left Houston. She moved to London for a year and I stayed with her and her family while I was there. I also had the opportunity to meet her sister in person in London after talking to her on the phone several times. After she moved back to Houston, her sister's family came to visit and I hung out with them again.

I visited with my friend last December, and she mentioned that her sister was going to their native place soon. I've told her since 2002 that I wanted to go with them, but the circumstances were never right. Either I was in school, I didn't have the funds, or it was a last minute trip. This time, I knew I was in a place where I could go. I connected with her sister through the magic of Facebook and told her I was interested in going with her family (husband and 3 girls) on their next trip. She told me her husband's sister was getting married in April and I was welcomed to come with them. That was all I needed to hear. I started making arrangements right after that.

Where am I going? I'm going to Lagos, Nigeria. Why am I going to a wedding when I don't know the couple? Unlike American weddings, Nigerians (and many other cultures) welcome everyone to attend their celebrations. The whole village will be there, and I'll be in the middle of it all. They will have a traditional engagement ceremony and a Catholic marriage ceremony. Everyone on the bride's side will wear specific colors, likewise for the groom's side. I'm included in the bride's family, so I will wear her colors. I'm excited about seeing a traditional ceremony, because I've only ever attended American weddings, which are basically all the same in my opinion.

I also have a long layover in Cairo on both legs of the trip, and I'm planning to leave the airport each time to do a little exploring. I have no idea what I'm going to do there, but I just think it would be a waste to spend all that time inside the airport when I could at least walk outside and get a meal or buy a souvenir.

Here's my checklist of things to do for the trip:

Purchase ticket - done
Apply for Nigerian visa - done
Get malaria pills (Remember how well that went in India? lol )- in progress
Send measurements for dress - done
Research the Lagos area for things of interest, dress, local norms - in progress
Apply for Egyptian visa - research says I can purchase it at the airport, but I'm going to keep looking
Research things to do in Cairo (Will I have enough time to go to Giza?) - in progress



Check back for more updates on my trip preparation.