A Very Long Engagement

April 15, 2010
We played beauty shop last night, untwisting and detangling "The Supremes’" hair until almost 2am. Renny woke up early this morning to wash and style their hair for the special day ahead. There was lots of activity in the house as everyone prepared for the wedding. It’s also Mr. Bello’s birthday. The engagement/traditional ceremony was scheduled to begin at 12pm, but everyone assumed it would start much later (African Time). We left the house late and made a quick stop at a salon to tie our gele (gay-lay). The gele is a piece of cloth that is tied ornately (or not) around the head. It sounded like thunder as the stylist folded and tied the stiff fabric around my head covering my ears. It was extremely tight and pulled my face and eyes up at least 2 inches I’m sure. Who needs a facelift when you can tie a gele.



We arrived in Fair Stock around 2pm and things were just getting started. The ceremony was under a tent in a vacant lot next to the bride’s family home. Their family is from I___ and the groom’s family is from Edo state, so they had different rituals to perform during the engagement. There were traditional dancers from both sides. The emcee had more collections than a Pentecostal church – “Please contribute to the band…the dancers…the bride…the groom, etc.” Just when you think you’ve given your last offering, they ask for more money. The families gave cola nuts, drinks, and money to the elders on each side. The groom was escorted to the ceremony surrounded by the dancers and his parents. Later, he along with his parents and elders from his tribe met with elders from the bride’s tribe to negotiate the bride price. Onome was part of this meeting because he was the oldest son and stood in the place of their (deceased) father. The bride price was more for show than anything else. They “agreed” on 1.5 million naira.

The bride was finally escorted into the tent alongside her groom surrounded by the dancers and elders in the Ikeja way. She wore a beautiful lime green gele and dress while he wore white robes. (He actually looked Simoan to me, but his parents are Nigerian.) They danced together and were sprayed by the guests. They sat down to take pictures, danced some more, and went back inside the house. The emcee announced that they were coming back to the ceremony in the Adu tradition. The bride changed into a wrap and was adorned in beads around her head and neck to match the beads that her new husband and his tribe wore. The elders from each side prayed for the couple. Then, there was more singing, dancing, and picture taking. The ceremony eventually ended around 7pm and we left around 8pm.




When we arrived at home, we celebrated Mr. Bello’s birthday with 2 different cakes – both very delicious. A few of his friends came over to toast him and join the celebration. Before the guests arrived, the consensus in the house was that I should have a Nigerian name - Chioma. It is an Igbo name that means "God is Good" or "good luck/fortune", but everyone in the house speaks Yoruba as do most people in Lagos. They thought it was most fitting for me after going through a short list of possible names. I was still dressed in my wedding attire when the guests arrived, and I confused them when I talked. They said I looked like a Nigerian, but I didn’t sound like a Nigerian. The hosts told them my new name and they called me Chioma a couple of times. It was my turn to be confused. I didn’t realize they were talking to me. One of those guests offered to show me around the city the following evening.

Overall, it was a wonderful day full of tradition and memories that will last a lifetime. I was thrilled to participate in the engagement ceremony and to wear traditional clothing along with all the other beautiful people dressed in brilliant materials and patterns. Plus, I like my new name. Maybe I should make it official and fill in the blank on my birth certificate. (Trivia: What blank am I referring to?)


"Chioma"



"The Supremes"