Remember Who You Are!

I have been writing about my adventures in Thailand, and I plan to publish those posts very soon.  It has been 21 days since I left the comfort of home and started on this journey of uncertainty.  I have explored new cities and terrains, tried new food, and met new people.  My body has been sore from uncomfortable beds and extreme physical activities.  However, the past 24 hours have been the most challenging for me, and I want to share the experience in real time.  Yesterday was my first full day in Bangkok, and I had nothing planned for the day.  I slept in and later walked to the mall in front of my building in search of food for my empty belly.  I walked around in frustration looking for something to satiate my hunger.  I didn't find anything appealing, so I walked across the street to another mall and circled their food court twice.  I finally settled on a couple of pastries and devoured them immediately.  I later found myself at Lumphini Park and stayed for a couple of hours wandering and watching the world go around me before heading to Chatuchak Park to check out the famous weekend market.  The market was crowded and hot, and I just wanted to get away from all of the people.  I found my way out into the sunshine where I had the pleasure of eating garlic toast on a stick and a refreshing watermelon slushy with frozen watermelon balls inside a watermelon.  My mind was blown by this awesomeness!  I later went back to my part of town in search of dinner and settled on pizza at the mall that was probably frozen.

I know it seems like a pretty mundane day, but I was really stressed.  My mind was constantly focused on what was coming next.  Since I only have a few days in each new place, I felt like I should pack in as much as possible since I might not come back again.  I was frustrated that I didn't have good food options or my own kitchen to cook.  I was exasperated about living out of a suitcase and not staying in one place for too long.  I was pissed that it's rainy season, which means there is no ferry from Krabi to the islands, so transportation is expensive.  (I'm flying to Krabi in the morning, and I still have no idea where I'm staying, how long I will be there, and what I will do there.)  I told my boyfriend I needed a travel agent to plan everything and just tell me where to go, because I'm basically tired of living the nomad life and not knowing what comes next.  I know I said that one of my objectives is to let go, but it's too hard. 😢

I think the real issue is that I realize I am at a turning point in my life and metamorphosis does not feel good.  I am already changing and I will not be the same person when I return home.  In fact, my entire life will be different because I chose to take this journey.  I have no idea what comes next and that is so so scary.  This morning, I received the pep talk that I needed to hear to let me know I got this.  I was reminded of who I am, and I am in the perfect place to create and develop the life that I want.  My future is BRIGHT!

I know there are people reading my blog who wish they could do something totally different in their lives right now. You can do it! Step out on faith and you will receive everything that you need. I have a silent army that stood up for me even when I didn't know there was a battle to fight. People gave me money and supplies just because they saw the value in this journey for me. I have individuals who are taking care of things for me at home, so I can be fully present here. I never imagined that my life would be what it is right now. My younger self would be surprised to know that I am divorced with no children yet at 37 years old, and I'm happy exploring the world on my own terms. I am living my best life now and I expect an even better future.
Amandla!