Thailand: The Land of Smiles

I was expelled from Thailand.

No, they didn't actually kick me out, but I had to leave within 30 days, otherwise I would have overstayed my (free) tourist entry.  By the way, the clock starts on the day of your initial flight, not the day you land in Thailand.  I could apply for a visa to stay longer or leave the country and reenter for another 30-day period, but that's not what I want to do at this point.  I am now in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Thai time:
13 nights in Chiang Mai (flight from Houston)
3 nights in Pai (bus from Chiang Mai)
1 more night in Chiang Mai before flying to Bangkok (bus from Pai)
3 nights in Bangkok (flight from Chiang Mai)
9 nights in Ao Nang/Krabi (flight from Bangkok; started out as 3 nights and I extended my stay)

I loved Thailand!  It was an awesome place to begin my journey, and I plan to go back at some point.  Here are my observations about Thailand:

• Watermelon has seeds
• Orange juice is really Tang (or a knockoff)
  
• Lots of stray dogs roam around and some look like strays but they have collars, which makes me think they have a home somewhere

  

  Dogs enjoying the view

  
  

  

  Dogs resting at the beach

  
  

  

  Dogs at the temple

   
• Chinese tourists have a reputation for being very loud
• Motorbikes are everywhere! 
• Don't disrespect the king and the royal family
• If the sign says "massage by pretty girls, 18+" or the women are sitting outside applying makeup, that place specializes in "happy endings". Keep on walking.
• Don't pay more than 500 baht for a massage, unless it's a super fancy hotel spa. You can find plenty of great options for less than 300/hour.



Snap, crackle, pop

• A Thai massage is what I imagine a sports massage to be. It's very deep tissue combined with stretching and a chiropractic adjustment. Choose an oil massage if you just want to relax. 

  

  Thai massage = full body workout for the giver and the receiver

• Take off your shoes before entering a home, temple, or anywhere else with a posted sign
• Skin products seem to have whitening/lightening by default
• No part of an animal is wasted. They eat cracklin', pigs' feet, and everything else.
• It's not unusual to see a whole family on a scooter.
• Definitely not ADA compliant
• No set side for walking on a sidewalk or street. Should I stay on the right or left? It doesn't matter.
• Vehicles stay in their lanes, except for motorbikes that create their own path. Sometimes they break the law and ride on sidewalks.
• Bargain/negotiate whenever possible
• Time is fluid. The sign might say they open at 10, but it should really say "10ish".
• Cameras are everywhere
• Police stop motorbikes to shake down tourists
  
• 7-11 stores are on every corner and in the middle of each block
• ALL food has sugar
• Everyone must stand for the king's anthem before a movie
• Humidity is a constant factor. Accept the sweat.
• Central a/c does not exist
• Hot water is only found in showers. Sometimes.
• It's against the law to disrespect Buddha.
  
• Cats are all around. Should all cats in Thailand be called Siamese?

  

  "We are Siamese if you please..."

• Chiang Mai is the least expensive city compared to Pai, Bangkok, and Krabi.  Buy your souvenirs and other items in Chiang Mai. 
• Go to northern Thailand if you want to see temples 
• There were no shower curtains at the hotels, so water sprayed all over the bathroom floor.
• Cash only, most businesses do not accept cards.